There are some interesting parenting techniques out there today. The one I have been hearing a lot about is "I don't teach my child to share." This really bothers me and it bothers me even more when I hear peoples reasoning behind it. Its is simply not a black and white issue but a very grey one! There are things to share and things not to share and it is my job as a parent to teach both! Okay maybe I am a bit of a raving hippy socialist to start with, but hear me out.
One of the arguments of forcing a kid to share is that they will learn to take thing that are not theirs. Really?!? I am not saying you have to force your child to share everything but as a parent it is my job to guide them in learning what is their property and what is common ground. Example: Sippy cups and pacifiers are things parents are constantly trying not share even though our toddlers often seem cool with it. However, we know about germs and disease and they do not, so we step intervene in order to teach this. Toys at the toddler gym are common ground and this is where we guide them in the art of sharing. They do not own the red car at the gym and they must learn this even if they do not like it. Consider it their first real world lesson, we all have to do things we don't like.
The other argument I have heard is that kids will not learn how to cope in the real world it they are taught to share. They will think they are entitled to everything. Again, really?!? Maybe I am really teaching my child that they should give back some of the wonderful things they have to those less fortunate. Its a crowded world we live in today and if we do not learn to give and take then the less fortunate are going to be trampled! I want them to enjoy nice things, but also to be kind compassionate people that give back to society. My daughter has wanted toys that belong to other children and I have expressed to her the toy is not hers and then remind her of all the wonderful toys she owns. She may not like it but these are the norms of society I must teach her. I also express to her when another child want one of her toys how nice it is to share and to understand she will get her toy back later or maybe they can play together. She usually catches on and is happy to share. Someday she will grudgingly have to pay taxes but she will enjoy a clean park and good library as a result. She is learning that sharing can be a good thing through examples and parental guidance.
Children work out lots of issues on their own but every now and the parents step into settle major disputes guide them in learning the rules of our society. Just like the courts do for adults who have still not learned the rules. I respect other parents teaching methods so I will never make someone elses child share with mine but I will continue to encourage my daughter to share with others when appropriate because I feel that is my parental duty.
